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The Hardest Thing

I told someone today that the hardest thing so far in caring for my mom and her Alzheimer’s was not being tired, not cleaning dirty diapers, not lack of sleep—it was the days when she doesn’t know me. I know she has Alzheimer’s. I saw first hand what my mom went through when she cared for my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s.

I can tell when I look into my mom’s eyes if it is a bad Alzheimer’s day, because her eyes don’t light up when she sees me. When you are a spoiled daughter whose mother’s eyes have lit up from your first memory—it’s ironic now that in her last memories she isn’t going to know me. The hardest thing so far….and I bet that will never change.

I remember my mother crying once telling me that her mom didn’t know her anymore, and I didn’t understand the pain she was feeling…now it’s my hardest thing.

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