Made It Through
Before I get too tired (maybe I won’t this time?) I wanted to answer a few questions, and let you know I survived the day alright. The staff at LDS Hospital is top notch, they always manage to make a day like today tolerable and, dare I say, maybe even a little fun! Two important procedures have outcomes I’m very anxious to receive. The bone marrow biopsy will reveal if I am still in remission. The lumbar puncture will confirm whether or not any little blasty-nasties have gotten past the blood brain barrier. I’m not too worried. My blood counts show good recovery, but it will be nice to be sure in spite of the discomfort of both procedures.
- Feeding Tube: I agree, it is a little bit sexy. Except it makes my nose run.
- Power Port: Got to use it today. It is freaking awesome. It will make my life so much better. I already feel less vulnerable. Basically they poke a needle into the center of the port. The port has a flexible material that seals around the needle, then the needle is clamped into place. when the needle is pulled, the flexible material seals and I just have a little poke in the skin covering the device. It is GENIUS.
- Pride: Lots of comments on this point. Pride and control. What is remarkable is new phrases are entering my vocabulary. Like, “I can’t,” “I need to rest,” “Yes, you can help me,” “Would you help me do such and such.” They are awkward as yet, but eventually they will roll off my tongue. And when I am strong, I will help others in a new way. In the past I helped others primarily to build up equity in the relationship, to create a power differential where I owed them nothing, and they owed me heaps. Because that way, I was sure not to have any debt. Not having any debt is a big deal to me. No debt=success. But in the help from friends (and even strangers) department I’m in way over my head now! I’m not afraid of this anymore. When I am strong, I will know better how to help others from a place of compassion, not power. What a gift!
- Fat Face: Hey what’s up with the fat round face? Is that an indication of weight gain? No. It’s the result of steroids. Doesn’t my mouth look freakishly small in the middle of all that roundness!?
I also neglected to mention that while I was in the hospital the second time I had some great visitors all on the same day… and even better, wound up getting three unsolicited foot massages each day. Roger Wilson and his lovely wife Kris arrived in the morning, and Stefan Gruber, April Greiman, and Michael Rotondi in the evening. I hadn’t seen any of the evening guests in many years so it was a real treat. April brought me a Wednesday Buddha. He is represented with his heels held together and an alms bowl at his waist. Stefan brought me a copy of his animation show he is touring across the country. If you are not familiar with Stefan’s work, you should absolutely check it out. You can get info on his tour here. A sample of Stefan’s grooviness. Off for now to enjoy the effects of poisons in my system.