You’ve probably heard it said that happy people do not make good writers. It’s true, the kinds of things happy people have to write about sound either unbelievable, braggy, or just plain boring. I suppose this is why I haven’t written in a while. Life […]
Sigh. Saw myself nearly naked in a full-length mirror today. Chemo tiredness has not been kind to my body. I’m so misshapen. I never considered myself narcissistic, but I miss the strength and form of my former body. I was in this viewing predicament because […]
Hello everyone, I weigh 113.5 pounds! Just received my chemo to start Cycle 10 of Consolidation II. This is the last round, and then hereafter it is Maintenance. So what’s Maintenance? Basically, it’s the core of Consolidation II, with less, much less, steroids. Hopefully this […]
On Thursday evening I was a wet blanket. I was mad because no one outside of the hospital other than my sister Kim seemed to remember my big PEG #15 day. I was mad because my big PEG day was marred by faulty port-o-cath. I […]
I think there is some kind of pattern to when I feel like I have the capacity to write something. It has to do somewhat with where I am in my chemotherapy cycle, right now I’m in an off week…coming to the end of an […]
Here’s where I am now: I’m tired of waiting to feel better, so I’m doing things anyway. I’m exercising anyway. I’m eating anyway. I’m washing the dishes anyway. Dr. Asch seems to imply that I will and should be feeling better soon, that there is […]
Today a total stranger said I was beautiful. This hasn’t happened to me in years. This may never have happened to me. She said, “You probably hear this all the time, but you are so beautiful.” Wow. What a thing to hear. Sure, my family […]
Being a patient patient: cultivating fortitude and calm.
n. a person who is under medical care or treatment.
adj. bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
Okay. After this week I am officially over it. I am tired of taking pills x number of times a day and at certain hours; going to doctor’s appointments and waiting; my body changing and worrying about every little change and what it might mean and if it is permanent; chemo therapy; the threat of hospital stays, and therefore hospital food; looking into the future and seeing more doctor’s appointments, more chemo, more prescriptions. Bah. I want this to be over. I am not patient, so I don’t want to be a patient.
I’m learning how to be a person in normal life again, and everything takes so much longer! Seriously. Getting dressed takes minutes now instead of seconds. But all is well as this report soon shows… I’m back in the hospital, but just for 24 hours. […]