One Foot in Front of the Other | Alzheimer’s in the First Person | Barbara Taylor Vaughan

Every day is becoming harder and harder with mom and her Alzheimer’s. People told me as her disease advanced that I would have days that seemed endless…today was one of those days. Mom is forgetting how to walk, I will be walking with her, her using her walker and me assisting her, and she will stop and say, “How do I do this?” It takes everything to keep her upright. Today, we both fell….her backwards, on top of me…we weren’t hurt…but, it could of been so much worse.

Some days it is her mind, other days it is her not being able to walk, or pick up things. We are going to the hospital tomorrow for her to be x-rayed, and some other issues checked out on her…every day it is getting harder and harder — Melissa Vaughan

At the hospital yesterday the doctor had a long talk with me. I told him about not remembering how to walk sometimes, that is what caused Missy and me to fall the other day, I was walking and just didn’t remember how to anymore. He told me about how Alzheimer’s can change your mind. How you can do things…not only your memory. Missy and I talked about it, about how she cannot lift me, to take me to the bathroom, or to a chair.

I told her, maybe I could just wear diapers now and sit in my bed, and when Mike comes home, maybe move me to a chair a couple of times a day…I just do not want to go to a nursing home yet. Missy told me not to worry, that we would work something out, but twice today, I could not remember to walk…I am scared of what is to come, I am scared for Missy having to make the decision of when I have to go. I am scared, I love my room, my bed, my home. I don’t want to sleep in a place with strangers. I want to stay home, I told Missy I would try and be good, I promised her I would try extra hard tomorrow.

I am going to bed now, and I am going to pray for GOD to make me remember how to walk, I want to be good. I want to be good.