Nurse Bullying | One Guy’s Perspective

Mike Pope, LPN

I am a male nurse in a woman’s world. When we think about it who took care of us when we were kids, it most likely was mom. But as times change, with it the whole job market. Women can work construction and men can be nurses. But, sometimes it’s hard—and not only because I am going against cultural stereotypes about gender. When I was in school I remember some of the instructors saying nurses eat their own. I didn’t really know what that meant until I started working.

I don’t think it’s any worse for men than for new female nurses. But being a man can add another opportunity for discrimination, and gives me a different perspective about nurse culture. I believe men and women are equal. Well, women may be a little bit better than us guys at some things. Guys definitely do things differently. Guys, if we have a problem, we’re like, “Hey bud, I’ll wait for you out in the parking lot and we’ll talk.” Some women seem to be willing to spend the next twenty years messing with each other. Sometimes, I wonder what I have done to myself.

I love nursing and have met great people. Nurses that are both old school and new that have been very nice and fun to work with. I have worked really hard, I’m never late, never call in sick, and am always a team player. I’m willing to work with anybody, I just hope others will work with me too, and not treat me badly because I don’t look like the nurse they think I should—whether because I am a man, or because I am less experienced than they.

I became a nurse after I started to volunteer at the local fire department. I went on a few calls, and I really liked the feeling of helping others. I stared out as a CNA for the NOC shift at a rehab hospital. I transitioned to being a nurse. It was great being new and learning in that environment. Everyone was excited for me to make the transition to nurse. I was very eager and also very nervous. I asked lots of questions. Everyone was so helpful. We were a team for sure. NOC shift seems to be that way.

My next job was in a juvenile corrections setting. I should have run out the first week. It wasn’t the patients that were intolerable, but the mean old school nurses. They didn’t like new nurses and it was no secret. They seemed so unhappy in their own lives. Misery loves company. They put the new nurses down, expecting us to know much more than we did. These nurses with thirty-plus years experience had forgotten what its like to be new at something. They were very rude and short, saying things to each other like, “They must not teach that in school anymore,” or to us, “You would never have made it back when I went to school.” I was happy to be there and eager to learn from them, but they were unwilling to help me or share any of their knowledge. After nine months, I had enough and moved on. A few other new nurses left shortly after me.

I then signed up with an agency and started working in and around the area where I live. It seemed to me very quickly, becoming a nurse may have been a mistake. I continued to run into bullying issues wherever I went. There seem to be cliques like back in high school, and if you’re not in it well, then you’re the odd man out. In one setting, problems started by my asking two talking co-workers in front of my station if they might talk somewhere else so I could get to my computer. It wasn’t a critical work-related conversation I had interrupted. Word had got around that someone was offended. After that some other co-workers would not help me or if I brought a chart to the unit secretary she wouldn’t bring it back or sometimes wouldn’t do other of her job duties for me that she would for others. These women talked about everyone. To me, they seemed like the “Mean Girls.”

I don’t think the treatment I received in these situations was specific to me being a man. (Though, I think their are women who truly don’t like men in the nursing profession for whatever reason.) I’ve heard stories from other women nurses that had way worse things done to them by other women nurses. It’s just a nurse thing I think. But why?

I just smiled through it and worked for my patients, thinking it would go away. I have had many great experiences in my short nursing career so far, along with the some not-so-great. But I like to try to learn from them both. I sometimes ask my wife if there something about me that others might not like. I trust her, we’ve been together since high school, and were in our forties now. She said I hold myself somewhat arrogantly. But I don’t intend to project that. Nurses need to take time to to give others a chance, to see the person behind the first impression. We are all human and need to be sensitive to each other, particularly in a profession as demanding as nursing in so many other aspects.

I love it when I ride my Harley and meet others and they ask me what I do for a living. I say, “I’m a nurse.” You should see their faces. Then, I tell them I’ve been married to the same woman I’ve been with since high school, again, their facial expression is priceless. I guess if I could get anyone to learn anything here it is this: not everything is as it seems. That male nurse might look like an arrogant jerk, but he may not be. More experienced nurses, new nurses, we all have something in common, we are here to help people. He or she needs your help in feeling part of the team. Everyone wants to belong and have a place to fit in. Who knows? Maybe you can even make a new friend.

Life is short. I don’t want to have issues at work, or drama with my co-workers. I have learned much from many experienced nurses who exercised patience and acceptance with me. I wouldn’t be the nurse I am today without them. Set aside your feelings and help us newbies become better nurses and, as in my case, better men. Just one guy’s perspective.

• Ylfnogard_7

  Thank-You soooo much for this Mike!!!  I appreciate your honesty and big heartedness.  It is super, super hard being a new nurse…male or female. You made so many great points in this blog that I have felt also.
  Keep up the great work and the positive attitude Mike…you are a wonderful nurse, an exceptional person and someone I am proud to say I know.

• http://www.facebook.com/suzannefranco Suzanne Franco Land

  Hey Mike … glad I got a glimpse into your work world … I guess  since I’m not in that field I never thought through how it might be to work around so many different people and personality types might be! Yikes! It’s just me and my laptop … well, and a LOT of togetherness with my hubby (but that’s a whole other blog post LOL LOL). Great read … *huGs*

• Jane

  Great article and very true-I am an oldie-28 years-a female nurse!

• Anonymous

  My gosh, this isn’t just male nurses.  I could have written this myself. I worked all areas and also with an agency until the job of my dreams came along.  I valued my male counterparts, and the nebies, because it gave me the opportunity to help them develop, and harbor them from those who ate the young.
  The male nurse especially helpful with lifting and turning and fabulous in the ER, or other acute settings.
  I have asked why myself, and I believe it is part jealousy, and part personality.
  We need to be tough.  In the beginning it is the nurses, then there are some patients and some family members, and doc’s that treat you worse
  than maid.
  But after you passed the newbie stage it did get better, right?  Not 100%, but much better.
  I believe are profession is worth what we had to go through to get to where we are today.
  I totally loved nursing.
  Retired after 35 years, and sometimes wish I could be back. 

• PedsRN

  One of my instructors in school made us promise not to eat our young. It is something that happens frequently and often with older nurses. Nursing departments also do tend to be full of cliques and sometimes it does feel like high school and can make life difficult. If you love what you do and go to work for your patients, the other stuff kind of just falls into place most of the time. I love working with different nurses and have never judged a nurse by their sex (or sexual preferences for that matter…) We have all been there Mike. You didn’t make a mistake.

• Dennismcpheron

  I have been a male LPN for 20 years and I have seen the trend change over the years. I had an instructor in school who was prejudiced against male nurses. When I went to work some women didn’t want a male taking care of them or I was always the one with the heaviest patients and expected to break my back without help. I worked home health for around 6 yrs and thats when the gender bias really hit home. If I was assigned to a case involving a female client the husband usually asked for someone else, either he thought I was going to put the make on his wife or he thought I was gay and was going to put the make on him. But times have changed alot since then. Male nurses in the workplace have increased and are more readily accepted.

• Tammyd69

  I felt this way when I started working in the ICU that I am currently in (I have been there for almost 3yrs and nursing since May 2008). I love to teach new nurses and have nursing students follow me. It is hard, whether you are male or female, to fit in. Nurses can be very clique-y and can be very bullying. I don’t tolerate it being done to me or seeing it done to coworkers. Our manager has had to go to a couple of the “old school” nurses because of their bullying, and fortunately there has been a change. These old school biddies need to remember what it was like to just start out or come from a different unit…..
   

• http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=874675461 Kristin Hummel

  Mike, sorry you’ve been through that! I love new nurses and I love male nurses! I’ve been through what you have and worse and I can honestly say that given the choice of working with the male nurses I know and the female nurses I know, I will always choose the male nurses. Not because I want to take advantage of their physical capabilities but because there is less drama. I hate gossip and hate drama and I especially don’t like cliques. So if I worked with you, there would be problems! ;o) Good luck!

• Julie

  Mike, i have been out of the work force for 15 years, due to severe RA..,but i remember vividly, the fear and anxiety of being a new grad.. And i also remembered it as i worked in the field for 15 years prior to my illness forcing me to quit. I tried to treat everyone and esp new grads, with the utmost of respect. We can get so much more done as a team , instead of backstabbing and bullying. I have spent the last 15years on the other side of the fence, with many hospitalizations as a patient. That puts it all into perspective: Nurses should be there for the patients who are very sick, frightened, and worried, instead of worrying about how some other person has insulted them. Good nurses have been a vital link in my ongoing care, whether in a clinic or hospital setting. I encourage you to keep striving for excellence, despite our field shooting itself in the foot. Have you thought of advancing your career? You would make a great leader and set a tone of mutual respect and cooperation , in any setting. Good luck!

• Sara

  I am one of those “old School nurses” like in before Medicare. Yes we have an attitude at times, but more toward the system. We miss taking care of patients and instead hear the gall bladder in room 203, which seems very uncaring to us. We pity doctors that apologise for being from the old school.  The main reason is they are looked at with impatience, for talking and listening to their patient, just as we do.
  We find nothing wrong with male nurses any more than female. We don’t mind answering questions but hate being treated like we are crazy for giving our patients back rubs as needed. Oh sorry the new generation doesn’t know about back rubs any more than thermometers with mercury n them, One day that new nurse, if they are wise. will add to their knowledge and smile about before they were from the old school
  .  .

  • Mike

    Thank you for your posting. Please understand its a very small amount of men/women nurses that acted this way. I’ve had many more positive things happen than negative. Most of them from the nurses that have been around awhile. This is just one subject matter under the umbrella of nursing. I don’t know what nursing was like before I entered the field, but I have listen to others and I deffintly hear what your saying. Thank you for all of your knowledge, I’m sure you don’t do it for the money. I’m glad some of the care I have given was learned from the most seasoned nurses. It’s not about pills, restroom trips, etc. it’s bedside manner.

• Beverly Shaddox

  Mike I have been a LVN/LPN for over 28 years, I understand what you are going thru, (1) working agency you are making more money then those that are employed at your job, they don’t understand you would rather have a regular job, they tend to give you the dirty jobs, refuse to help you.  It saddens me that most of the new nurses are there for the money and not for the patients safety/wellbeing.  You sound like a compassionate and well meaning nurse, and I can tell you your making a impression on lots of people that will reward you and give you smile that no one can take away from you.  I’m sorry that these nurses are refusing to help you with explaining and instruction of care we are learning daily, please don’t give up for you will exceed where alot of others will fail.  I am so sorry these nurses are bulling you, but your not alone, seek those who see you as a great nurse and they will be the ones that answers your questions and fears.  Good luck from Texas.

• Gizmoe3888

  This bright, young , new male nurse needs to know that , honestly, female nurses will behave badly like this with new female nurses too!!. I don’t believe it is the male gender at all ( sorry ! ). Females can be a cruel group of people, that’s just how they are! At least thats’ my thought. My apologies for the bad behavior you have had to endure, I am sure you are a great nurse, and I welcome you aboard !!  It’s important to be part of a good team, if they won’t help you, ask another nurse on duty…we are all different. Best of luck to you, now & forever!!

  • Katndawg

    well said and i think that this is so true also

• http://www.facebook.com/ChanaRo Chana Rosen

  Thanks for writing this….both as a CNA and nursing student I’ve witnessed the backstabbing too many times to count (and have been on the receiving end of it at times, unfortunately)…I don’t know why we can’t all just help each other and the patient!

• Toodiebo

  I am a nurse as well Mike and I commend you!! some of the best nurses I have met have been male and I have seen the stereotype first hand.  I walked into a room one day with a male nurse and the patient looked at the male nurse and said, “Hello Doctor”  when he corrected him….the look on his face was shock!!!  I always have had immense respect for male nurses and will continue to do so.   Keep the Faith!!
  Barbara Rhodes, R.N.
   

• annonymous

  Excellent! I ran into this on a unit I was orienting this weekend…thanks for the timely commentary!

• Kenny

  Great article Mike! I am an LPN as well and can certainly relate.

• http://www.facebook.com/people/Amy-Johnson-Flores/1642782936 Amy Johnson Flores

  I think this is not a new issue and only recently are we even considering why nurses act this way. I have been a nurse for 20 years and I still don’t fully understand it. I would be lying if I said I was never the giver, but I am usually the receiver of this hostility. 
  I like my job and love what I do however nurses have never collectively established a professional stance. We are college trained individuals who can’t communicate are most basic feelings and frustrations.

  Nurses are not supposed to show emotions…..really this is the most emotional field a person can work in. birth, trauma, life threatening and ending events, yet we never debrief or share our feelings.
  Nurses have to be perfect….so when is the class covering walking on water being held?!
  Nurses have always acted this way….well that may be so but nurses also used to give up their chairs to doctors and wear funny hats.
  WE AS A PROFESSION HAVE TO STOP ACCEPTING THIS BEHAVIOR.
  the next time you see a peer on peer hostility call them out. it will only get better. trust me it works we use the same behavior modification on our children….

• 50 yr old new nurse

  Mike, it isn’t just men. I am a new nurse at age 50, and I get the same ‘mean girl’ treatment from some of the nurses where I work. My least favorite time is reporting on and off. I can feel the internal eye rolling going on and it continually makes me 2nd guess my choice of work. I left the automotive industry when my company closed the location I was at and offered me position in the Detroit office. I worked primarily with men and loved it. No drama or stupid cattiness. Thankfully I love my job, and have vowed to be kind no matter what. Hopefully the meanness will fade as time goes on.

• Erin N.

  I am a CNA and a nursing student planning to graduate in May of this year. I am very lucky because the hospital where I work, and do most of my clinicals is staffed with amazing nurses that love to teach. Everyone on the floor I work on are so excited to have me coming on as an RN this year. I hope I don’t offend anyone here, but I have to say that every bad experience I have had during my schooling has been with other students. You see, I am an AD-N student; I am working toward an associates degree. The students that treat me and my classmates badly are BSN students, they are working toward bachelor’s degrees, and although we will all take the same N-CLEX, they seem to think they are better than us. What I am saying is it isn’t only nurses that eat their young, students bully eachother too. Like you said, we are all there to help people. We need to learn to accept eachother.

• Jamesmoody72

  well seeing as how you are a senior nurse.  I became an LPN in 2009 after being and emt for 10 years.  I concurr very good article and congratulations on getting published.  From one agency nurse to another keep on keeping on.

• Ruralhealthnurse

  From a country and where nursing shortage was trememtous at a ponit in time, and doing nursing since 1989 as a LVN and a certification in midwifery, having worked in a toally woman world i can relate to the way of how we are treated as newbies to the field… unfortunately i encounter the promblem of working  with ffenale nurses out here in the USA thinking that it would be easier i must admit that some of the nurses which mostly are from the Philliphines are quite good at what they do but with a attituded of i do not care i am for the money. The nursing is the same all over no matter what part of the world we at, being from the Carribbean and having British Colony theory of nursing really some of these being old school or not they do the same , so u should not be about co-workers which in turn being able to communicate with each other makes the job a easier one but a word of advise do what u got to do and u will fine out that they will be the one to come to u and u not to them …. let them follow the chain of commant all the work u do is most important, some of our RN  do not know half of what u know about the patient so keep your head high a pat on the shoulder and regards to u and your family…

• Sharon

  It’s not just new nurses it’s anyone who threatens the herd mentality too many nurses have. I have often felt I was back in jr high. Unfortunately too many managers allow bullying to happen on their units. Well written Mike.

  • Mike

    Hehe funny, the herd. I hear ya does feel like school. Worse sometimes. Thanks for your post.

• Breanna

  I don’t think it is just males but nurses sre often cuel to other.  I was a change nurse in L & D and I loved my job and truly enjoyed teaching new nurses.  I saw nurses young and old who refused to share any information.  I also learned that as nurses went fro AD to BSN, etc, the nurses above would rather somp on your hand than offer a helping hand to a nurse who works full time, is raising a family and trying to continue their education.  I actually preferred to work with male nurses becauses they were helpful, honest and didn’t stab you in the back ever chance they got.  I made my all female staff so sngry when they we complaining that they worked harder than some one else.  I simply told them if they had time to comoare care loads then they were not busy.  I hated how childish so many fenale nurses could be.

• Nanhut60

  I agree Mike I was in corporate for 20 plus years and decided to become a nurse at 45. I’m the same age as the crabby senior nurses but they are miserable and burned out. I’m sorry to say some of them need to retire.

• Ann

  I have had similar experiences. I have often felt that nurses go into nursing because they like causing pain deep down. They appear like they care about people but look out.  They will eat you alive when you turn your back.

  • mbaker683

    sooo true!!!

• JoAnn Spears

  It’s never been easy being a new nurse, and it’s a shame some seasoned nurses are the reason for this.  Hang in there.  You’ll go places if you do!

• JoAnn Spears

  And seek out the seasoned nurses who are not threatened by new ideas.  They are priceless as allies, teachers, and inspiration.

• Arborvitae56

  Being an RN, with a son recently graduated from a BSN program, I often pray that his early experiences in nursing will be positive ones. Sadly, our profession does have a history of eating its young, and I hope he has less of those experiences and more positive memories.

• Ddbarton48

  I am a Retired Marine and Civilian Carpenter. I am currently working at WalMart as an overnight Stocker. Trust in yourself, Be the best you can be.

• Mbaker683

  Mike how true your article is. I am an LPN trying to transition to an RN and have found that instead of being mentors many of the experienced nurse’s enjoy making a new nurse’s shift  a living hell!!

• 1st Year Student

  It seems like it starts in nursing school as well. I hear fellow students whisper things about me in the hallways….like I don’t have ears! I don’t have children. That somehow makes me less busy or stressed or whatever they think and don’t approve of. Yet, instead of treating me like I think I’m an entitled Princess, not a single one of them ever took the time to think about why a 44 year old married woman doesn’t have children. Instead, they just look down on me and consistently provide emotional calisthenics for me by stating in a snarky way, “well you wouldn’t understand. You don’t have kids!” These people are SUPPOSED to be in a field to is compassionate!

• Cynicallance

  Mike, I am very sorry to  hear we have both been through alot of the same experiences. My first job as an RN was on a neuro floor. The preceptor who was to be showing me the ropes; was trying hang me with them. I was not able to get hired at a nearby hospital due to (in my opinion) me being male. A friend and female nurse that worked there confirmed the recruiting and hiring bias. For me, when someone asks what I do. I find it awesome to be able to say… I’m a nurse or I’m an RN. I, like you started as a CNA. I also have found that evening and/or overnight shifts work as a team. Unfortunately, like you, I also wondered desperately at one time becoming a nurse had been a big mistake. There is so many disheartening, disenchangting, and disenfranchising stories I could tell. But all this is tempered by the joy I have had in helping the patients I’ve worked with.

• Sanmar63

  Sadly, some people are just mean.  I’ve been a nurse for 29 years and been treated poorly more than once; however, I had no problem giving it right back if warranted.   These days, I’m the nurse manager, and I will NOT tolerate cliques and bullying. If I see or hear something, I nip it ASAP.  I really feel that if your nursing leadership is behind you and makes it crystal clear that certain behaviors are not acceptable, it would really help not only the newbies, but the nurses that are real sweethearts!

  • Mike

    Thank you for standing up and setting the bar high.
    Others are watching you and will fall in line. The staff
    under you are lucky. Thanks for your post.

• Nursburd55

  I have been accused of being mean to new nurses when being mean or catty was the furthest thing from my mind. I also have had many nurses say they really like working with me because of all the things I “know”. I have also been the object of disrespect and derision by other nurses. I haven’t figures out yet why we do this. Personally, I really try to throw out compliments and pats on the back to my co-workers. We seem to feel better about a tough job when we are feeling better about ourselves.

• Vhog2000

  This is tragic that you encountered this such behavior.  I embrace new nurses and hope that you will find a balance at work.  Know that work place bullying is reportable.  

• Haleymoore

  Mike, there has always been some of that in every hospital setting I ever worked in.  I have been in nursing for 42 years now.  I left hospital work 16 years ago and work in Home Health.  I get to take care of one person at the time and never have to worry about what any other co-worker is doing.  BEST job in the world!!

• No Females allowed!!!!!!

  ErI would like to leave a comment and share my thoughts on the topic. Im not surprised that this LPN male nurse, a very attractive male nurse mind you has never and probably will never be bullied by his fellow female coworkers because he is a male which makes him stronger alot stronger then most women when it comes to lifting and positioning patients! Thats a major big deal because alot of patients are very heavyweight and requires 2 assist. I can go on and on about the major difference between males and females employees working in a nursing job especially being employed in a nursing home that is mostly female staffed. My sociology professor made such a foul remark against women or at least i thought but now i believe he was so true and 100 percent right. He stated ” Their will never be a Women president in the white house god forbid if the bitch has a bad day and she will send off the atomic bomb and blow us to kingdom come!