Hard Lesson Learned | Self-Care

Author, Bobbi McCarthy

I was supposed to fly to Virginia on Jan. 13th with my son to be with my daughter, her husband and baby, (my 7 week old grandson) BUT I contracted strep throat and became quite ill rather fast on Jan. 12th. By 8pm on the 12th I was having bilat. ear pain, was feverish, chilled and having a hard time swallowing. By the time 330am on the 13th rolled around and I was supposed to get in the shower and get ready to leave, my fever was 102 and I ached all over! Needless to say I’m still home and NOT with my beloved children and grandchild in Virginia.

The lesson learned you ask? Stress and lack of Self-care WILL make you sick…and you WILL end up missing out on life’s fun during that time!

Prior to going back to college to obtain my BSN, I had not been introduced to the subject of nursing burnout and self-care. I have since been educated on the crisis of burnout in our nursing profession and one of the biggest weapons against burnout being self-care. Nurses as well as women (double jeopardy if you are a female nurse!) tend to put other people’s needs ahead of their own. We are taught this concept as young girls and we have it reinforced in nursing school! (Up until now that is) The other lesson that we are taught is that if we do not put other people’s needs ahead of our own we are NOT nice girls…hence if you take your breaks at work you are not tending to the needs of your patients and if you take your breaks during a busy day…you are a slack off!

Nursing educators and theorists have been writing about the effects of stress on the nurse and the eventual burnout that occurs from that repeated, prolonged stress for many years. Self–Care is now a term used to describe a variety of things a nurse can do to relieve stress and thus bring more balance and peace to our nursing lives…thus bringing us out of burnout or keeping us from becoming burnt out.

Now “taking care of myself” was certainly something I always thought I did~ you know…sleeping, having fun, eating right most of the time…etc. The term Self-Care encompasses a much bigger meaning than just taking care of myself. It means realizing that I am worth taking care of~ that if I do not take care of myself chances are no one will do it for me~ that in order for me to perform at my highest and best level I have to infuse peace, fun, love and balance as well as proper nutrition and sleep. It also means that I need to have boundaries and limits around my life…work hard AND play hard…give love and receive love…be creative and expressive. It also means that during a 12 hour work day I MUST eat and rest in order to recharge…I could also inhale some lavender and orange incense to promote relaxation or energy as I need it.

Another area that I have been learning about in the realm of Self-Care is being present…present in the moment~ Instead of running to catch up with my thought, allowing my brain to observe my thought without judgment and then moving on to the next thought, allowing my heart to feel the pain, the sorrow or the fear and then letting it pass. I tend to stuff things during my work day, (and in my home life)…in order to keep moving on to the next patient and the next issue. Once in a while I have a patient or family issue that forces me to stop~ observe~ feel and be present. These moments are the most rewarding so why do I run from them most of the time???

I can honestly say, as I have in this blog, that I have been in varying stages of burnout during my 21 year nursing career. When I began instituting self-care measures a year ago I felt the burnout lift and shift to a less severe burn. (Maybe it is now just smoldering but no longer a burn). I learned Reiki and went to yoga at least twice a week and I started eating better and drinking less wine. I felt happier and more able to face the long 12 hour ER shifts. At work I started taking my breaks for the full time and trying to get off the floor…I brought lavender and orange scents to work to sniff during the day for the calming or energy effects and I ate more healthy foods.

During the last several weeks I have let that slip greatly. I’ve been eating poorly and drinking more wine again at night “to de-stress” and sadly the yoga went to the wayside. I also have been allowing an emotional issue in my life to control me and to worry me…hence I let my energy level dip…my defenses break and just when I needed my health to be pristine…WHAM!!! It wasn’t.

I will take this illness as a learning moment. As painful as the moment is…it is necessary to learn that in order to be our best we have to give ourselves the best care! We can only give what we give ourselves and we can only be as strong as the strength we infuse ourselves with.

Self-Care…a much needed reminder for myself this week.

• http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=734021027 Carey S. Clark

  Bobbi, this is a great entry. I think the thing with self-care is that we just returning to it over and over again….and we are gentle with ourselves in the process. This work of self-care and presence really lasts a lifetime….

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    Carey,  thank you for the gentleness in your reminding of Self-Care being a journey…and for all the awareness of self care and presence that you have given to me!  I am so happy to be your student and have this new knowledge that only enhances my life and the lives of my patients!! 

• Dcnballmom2

  I too am a subject of “burn-out”- Since I started the night shift 4 years ago I can really feel myself slipping more and more.  Now with some flip-flopping shifts, its even worse.  Thank you for your tips,I will have to give those all a try

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    Dcnballmom2~  I feel your pain.  I wish that it was easier…the stress of the job, the patient load, the constant noise, negativity, lack of support and on and on really do affect us!  I hope that by implementing a few self care changes into your routine will help you as much as it did me…of course prayer is huge!!  Good luck my fellow nurse. 

• Kozykatz

  After 34 years in nursing I know all too well about the effects of burnout. I am currently on medical leave from my job and plan to use this time wisely, to rest, recharge and regroup in order to face future challenges.

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    Kozykatz~  Im sorry that you are on a medical leave, but at the same time you seem to have a terrific plan to utilize your time wisely…I pray that you find peace and that you recharge for another round!  Burnout is real…but we are amazing beings~ we are capable of change

• Tova Nash

  Such a wonderful article. I work 2 nursing jobs so the challenge to take care of myself is even greater. I barely have time to look at myself in the mirror, and God knows when the last time I’ve been able to just soak in a bubble bath for half an hour. After reading this, it affirms that I need to make time, and not feel guilty about taking care of myself. Thanks, Mrs. McCarthy

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    Tova~  I pray that you take many a wonderful bubble bath!!  Light some lavender candles and RELAX.  2  nursing jobs….oh my.

• Jsrnfl

  I wonder about your statement:    ”Nurses as well as women (double jeopardy if you are a female nurse!) tend to put other people’s needs ahead of their own. We are taught this concept as young girls and we have it reinforced in nursing school! (Up until now that is) The other lesson that we are taught is that if we do not put other people’s needs ahead of our own we are NOT nice girls…hence if you take your breaks at work you are not tending to the needs of your patients and if you take your breaks during a busy day…you are a slack off! “ 
   I always took my lunch break and took the time to urinate when I had to, I still do!  I never felt like a ‘slacker’ for taking breaks or going to the bathroom. I realised early on as a GN that it was a 24/7 job and if I couldn’t get it done on my shift there was another after mine…I did try to accomplish everything I needed to do on my tour, but sometimes it just couldn’t get done, same as the prior shift. I wonder if other males felt the same way?  I did burnout on a med-surg floor after our team (RN & LPN) had our work load increased by 40% – it felt good to take time off, and I realise not everybody can/could do that. But the question lingers…Do males feel like they put their patiends needs before their own? Maybe this is a question for the
  Friend a NurseCommunity ??

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    Jsrnfl~  thank you so much for your insight as a male nurse…and for pondering about us females…I do believe it is a real difference in thought.  We women need to adopt more male thoughts I guess!  I would love to hear more male thoughts on this. 

    • Joe3

      Thanks for your reply, I’ve always been an independent thinker.  Today I wrote a similiar answer on the Friend a Nurse Community board…I’m going to pose the question “Do male nurses also hold their urine and skip lunchs”  or is it more of a female trait?

• Anonymous

  You are so right. I don’t think nurses do a very good job of taking care of themselves. We consider ourselves the last in line. There is home and family and work and patients. Then if we have time maybe we will think about doing something good for us.

  • Bobbi Mccarthy

    pednursedeb776~  thank you for your comment and I hope that by reading the posting that you thought about yourself first for a little bit afterward.  It takes some getting used to but it is worth it in the end…plus Its nice!